Incoherent Scribblings

** Attention! The following post contains discussion of girly things like tampons and menstruation. Proceed at your own risk! **

There are some things that you can never have too many of. Things that whenever you see them on sale at Wal-Mart you buy because they don’t go bad and you just know that eventually you will use all of them. Tampons are one of those things.

Long before I knew I would be moving to Germany, whenever I was in Wal-Mart or Target and saw a good deal on tampons I bought them. I did this because, as I said, tampons are just one of those products you may as well buy in bulk. After all, it will be many years before I reach menopause, so I know that eventually I will use them.

So, when we moved to Germany I packed up all of those tampons and shipped them over here. Sure I could buy tampons in Germany (at least I figured I could), but why not take them? It seemed silly to just throw them away. In the grand scheme of moving they didn’t take up all that much room, even though A. teased me about how many I had. I didn’t think I had that many, but since I didn’t even so much as glance at the tampon aisle for a long time, apparently he wasn’t far off the mark when A. claimed I was bringing a two year supply.

I had varying amounts of all the absorptions that I use, but eventually I began to run low. My brand had always been Tampax because I could just flush everything away, but when I went to the local dm no Tampax were to be found. The only brand available was o.b. or generic tampons. I suppose there really is no difference, but for some reason I just can not bring myself to use generic tampons, so o.b. was really my only option.

Now, ladies, you know what o.b. tampons are famous for, don’t you? If not, let me remind you with two simple words… no applicator!

I was disgusted! I was appalled! I was frantic, because no matter where I went the selection was the same: o.b. or generic o.b.! I was in applicator-less tampon hell! I couldn’t understand why the tampon supposedly designed by a female gynecologist would purposely make me stick my finger up my crotch when I least wanted to! All I could say was YUCK! YUCK! Double YUCK!

Eventually, I found a place that offered “super” and “normal” o.b. with an applicator, but of course they were more expensive. However, since my period is very light I never use “super” and rarely “normal” absorption tampons and nowhere could I find “light” or “mini” with an applicator. Suddenly I was wishing that I had brought more than I measly two year supply of tampons with me.

And just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I realized what the alternative to applicator-less tampons was; a diaper pad! I couldn’t make up my mind as to which I found more vulgar.

Finally, my supply of Tampax dwindled, and even though I still found the thought disgusting, I eventually got over the “sticking my finger up my bloody crotch” thing. After all, I should be washing my hands after I use the bathroom anyway, so is it really such a big deal?

(Secretly I am screaming “YES!”, but then again what choice do I really have?)