Incoherent Scribblings

You know you’re from Iowa when… (Now with commentary!)

Vacation means driving through the Amanas or going to Adventureland.

Sadly enough, yes.

“Down South” to you means Missouri.

It did until I moved to the Mississippi.

You have no problem spelling or pronouncing “Des Moines.”

What’s so tough about it?

You know the answer to the question “Is this Heaven?”

Actually, I think that is the state slogan now.

You know where all the Yoders live (or Andersons, or Van den Bergs).

The Van den Bergs live in Pella.

You know what “Hawks” and “Clones” are.

Of course! Doesn’t everyone?

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable.

I don’t think all of the festivals are named after a fruit or vegetable. But it isn’t like it is any different in Bavaria. I know for a fact there is a pumpkin, potato, and asparagus festival held at different times during the year here.

You can locate Iowa on the map.

Duh.

You’ve ever been on a “Geode Hunt.”

Hmm… I assume this is like a snipe hunt.

Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and is accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice.

Without the pickle, yes.

You say “catty-wampus” instead of “kitty-corner”

Nope, I’m a “kitty-corner” girl.

You’ve never taken public transportation.

Not in Iowa.

You have boiled fish in lye for Christmas.

I had to ask my mom, but fish in lye is called lutefish and apparently my great-grandma who was first generation American (parents came from Norway) refused to make this traditional Scandinavian Christmas dish because she didn’t like it.

You know what “uff-da” means and how to use it properly.

Yes, I do. My ancestors were Scandinavian after all.

You know what “Amish Country” is.

Not only do I know what Amish Country is, I also know where it is!

The only reason you go to Wisconsin or Missouri is to get fireworks.

My dad routinely patrols the Missouri state line to bust those people.

You know exactly where “Field of Dreams” was filmed.

Not exactly, but the general area.

When someone says they are going out for dinner or supper, you know which meal they are talking about.

Yes. This has been known to confuse A. as I have referred to dinner at lunchtime (it means lunch in this case) and supper at dinnertime.

You listen to “Paul Harvey” every day at noon.

I thought “Paul Harvey” was on in the morning.

You think of the major food groups as deer meat, beer, corn, and soy nuts.

Not at all. I vehemently dislike venison and beer.

You’re pulled over and asked by the cop, “Had a little too much to drink, (your first name here)?

I’m sure that my dad (a cop) has asked “Bill” or “Linda” this very question!

You own the complete “Dukes of Hazzard” video collection.

Is it out on DVD yet?!

“Hick” is a style of clothing.

Can’t argue with this one.

You can use the words, ‘crik’, ‘holler’, and ’skunk weed’ in the same sentence.

I don’t think I have ever used “skunk weed” in a sentence.

Your Christmas gift, when you were ten years old was a shotgun (a BB gun if you were a ‘townie’).

Shit! I had a shotgun long before I was 10! (…And I am a GIRL!)

You know someone personally who is involved in meth trade or manufacture.

Does an ex-boyfriend count?

Your idea of a party is throwing cans of WD40 in a campfire while you’re drunk.

Yee Ha!

You’ve been to a rave in a barn.

Nope.

You’ve had sex in the back of a truck … amid cows.

Not amid cows.

You know that cows don’t sleep standing up.

Does anyone really believe that?

You’re concerned about the rates of corn growth in Illinois as compared to that of Iowa’s.

I’m not, but that probably can’t be said for some of my relatives.

You listen to Ag Day at 6AM … two hours after you get up in the morning.

Not me, but I know my grandpa did.

You believe that trees in Iowa lean towards Nebraska … because Nebraska sucks!

Well, Nebraska may suck, but I don’t see how that affects the trees.

You know several people who still refer to Japanese cars as “rice-burners.”

I never even knew anyone that drove a Japanese car until I moved to Des Moines… It was considered sacrilegious.

“Styx” plays a concert at the county fair, and people actually show up.

I don’t know about Styx, but my sister went to see Journey last year.

You don’t get nervous when you walk into a biker bar (unless you’re an Iowa City cop).

Of course not! They are my step-dad’s friends!

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Iowa.

Hee hee… I am sure at least two other readers of my blog (Dawn and Mom) will also get these jokes.

The following list was obtained from Blogthings.

Disclaimer: Any similarities between this list and actual people from Iowa is purely coincidental!!