Forgiveness

14 November 2007 13:14 Renée domestic activity

It’s funny how I never thought some of the things A. said to me during the last few months of our relationship were mean and hurtful until recently when I started sharing them with someone else.

For example, there was the time when thinking about the future, I inquired if a family was something we might want. The response I received was that he wouldn’t be opposed to having children if he met the right person. Though I tried not to show it, I was taken aback. I was his wife. Didn’t it stand to reason that if we had committed ourselves to marriage that I was the right person? Apparently not…

And once he told me that without a job, an apparent purpose in life, my intellect was dimming and soon I would be like his mother. His mother! If I had a dime for every time he compared me in unflattering ways to his mother…

And so it seemed very simple when asked about the overall reason for the end my marriage. It wasn’t infidelity, financial woes, or any of a hundred other “standard” reasons. We simply forgot how to be kind to one another and fell out of love.

I remember the day we finally admitted it to each other and said so in so many words. There wasn’t any yelling: In fact it wasn’t loud at all. The words, “I am sorry, but I just don’t think I love you anymore,” were delivered calmly and in the softest tone of voice. Not a tear was shed, no emotion was revealed.

Of course it hurt. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t and I can only assume that it hurt him as much as it did me, but in some ways the truth set me free. I stopped walking on egg shells. I quit trying to fix something that could no longer be fixed and began to focus on myself again.

And somewhere along the line, I forgave him for many of the cruel things he said to me throughout our relationship and I forgave myself for not being the one that could make him happy.

5 Responses

  1. Sweet Pea Says:
    14 November 2007 at 13:23

    I’m very sorry you had to go through something like that, but in some ways it has made you a stronger person. Having gone through that, there’s little chance that you’ll tolerate it in any current or future relationships. (((hugs)))

  2. susie Says:
    15 November 2007 at 18:06

    I am sorry that things ended up like that. I know that the two of you faced a lot of challenges along the way. It sounds like you are feeling some peace with it now and I’m glad for that. *hugs*

  3. Dacee Says:
    17 November 2007 at 08:50

    It’s hard to forget the things people do to us, but the ability to truly forgive is a blessing. Holding onto grudges and anger tends to make one a bitter person, it saps your energy and drags you down. Forgiveness is a powerful thing. Once you forgive, you can really move on and be happy I think.
    So, out with the old and in with the new! Here’s to new and exciting experiences for you!!

  4. Sue Says:
    17 November 2007 at 10:47

    Being kind to each other is a huge part of a relationship, and it does take work, it is so much easier (especially at the end of a day) to be mean or snippy. However, without it you’re right, love just can’t hold on. I’m sorry that it didn’t work, but it sounds like you’re being able to move on and put it in perspective. {{hugs}}

  5. Angela Says:
    20 November 2007 at 10:45

    I love your wording and thoughts. It’s wonderful to hear that you are “rebuilding you” and not shutting things and people out.
    If a relationship has to end, I think how you two handled it is the best way to do it.
    (HUGS)