Incoherent Scribblings

It’s funny how I never thought some of the things A. said to me during the last few months of our relationship were mean and hurtful until recently when I started sharing them with someone else.

For example, there was the time when thinking about the future, I inquired if a family was something we might want. The response I received was that he wouldn’t be opposed to having children if he met the right person. Though I tried not to show it, I was taken aback. I was his wife. Didn’t it stand to reason that if we had committed ourselves to marriage that I was the right person? Apparently not…

And once he told me that without a job, an apparent purpose in life, my intellect was dimming and soon I would be like his mother. His mother! If I had a dime for every time he compared me in unflattering ways to his mother…

And so it seemed very simple when asked about the overall reason for the end my marriage. It wasn’t infidelity, financial woes, or any of a hundred other “standard” reasons. We simply forgot how to be kind to one another and fell out of love.

I remember the day we finally admitted it to each other and said so in so many words. There wasn’t any yelling: In fact it wasn’t loud at all. The words, “I am sorry, but I just don’t think I love you anymore,” were delivered calmly and in the softest tone of voice. Not a tear was shed, no emotion was revealed.

Of course it hurt. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t and I can only assume that it hurt him as much as it did me, but in some ways the truth set me free. I stopped walking on egg shells. I quit trying to fix something that could no longer be fixed and began to focus on myself again.

And somewhere along the line, I forgave him for many of the cruel things he said to me throughout our relationship and I forgave myself for not being the one that could make him happy.

First of all, if you haven’t figured out by some of the cryptic blog post titles here and there, I am seeing someone. As I told my mom, it is not the dude from the laundromat, but the situation is complicated and I am still trying to sort things out. I am not sure where it is going or if it will go anywhere, but he makes me laugh and for now that is enough.

Of course, all the time I am spending with him has drastically cut into my stitching time. I take my stitching with me because we keep insisting that we need to work on spending time in “companionable silence,” but for some reason when something gets unzipped, it isn’t my stitching bag!

Nevertheless, I did get some stitching time in this weekend while watching Season 1 of House M.D. As you may or may not know, when I moved to Texas I left my $10 yard sale TV in Iowa. As a result of this TV-lessness, I have been totally jonesing for Dr. House and finally decided to join Netflix so that I can watch TV shows that I missed while I was in Germany or have never seen in English and movies on my computer.

Writers strike or not, with no TV I have obviously not yet seen the current season of House, but I am thoroughly enjoying seeing all the previous episodes in order. I figure by the time I catch up on the first three seasons, Season 4 should be close to being released on DVD.

Anyway, while I was drooling over Dr. House, I worked on Outi’s replacement birthday exchange piece. Though I have no pictures to share at the moment, you can rest assured that I did not drool on the linen.

And as I usually say when I have no pictures to do the talking for me and I am running out of things to say, the exchange piece is coming along nicely, I am enjoying stitching it immensely, and I believe it is on schedule to be finished and mailed by December 1.

TTFN!

Today’s SBQ is:

When you have to frog out stitches, do you reuse that thread or do you start over with a new strand?

Well, honestly it depends on how much I have to frog and what condition the floss is in once I have pulled out the stitches. If I don’t have to frog more than half a dozen stitches or so, I just trim the ends, rethread my needle, and continue on my merry way unless the floss is too short or too frayed.

However, if I have to frog out a large section I usually end up using new floss because, in my opinion, after pulling out all those tiny little stitches the thread is too frayed to rethread my needle, let alone use again for stitching. Of course, if I have a severe attack of frogs that requires cutting the floss away, I have no choice but to use new floss.

Behold! More progress on “Above the Clouds!”

And with my first official paycheck, I have some stash to report!

To begin with, I got the fabric for “Kitty Cat Row” and a pattern that I am using for Outi’s very belated birthday exchange. (Pattern to be revealed at a later time.)

Because I worked an eight-hour day on Saturday, I got today off. As a result, I decided to take a shopping trip to the Big City today. Unfortunately, I didn’t have very good luck with clothes, so I decided to stop at Michael’s and purchase the DMC 100s that I was missing.

While I was there, I also succumbed to The Best of Teresa Wentzler Fantasy Collection. I have been eyeing this collection for a while now, but at $19.95 for 10 TW patterns I could no longer resist it when I spotted it today. It is a good thing I got it too: According to TW herself, this collection is not going to be reprinted by Leisure Arts.

I will be the first to admit that my stash haul was modest. However, after spending the past year buying basically no stash at all, it sure feels like a lot to me!