Incoherent Scribblings

What more can I say? I failed the NaBloPoMo challenge after only four days. Although I could probably come up with a whole list of excuses as to why I haven’t posted since last Wednesday, I won’t list anything because if I have learned one thing during my almost six years of blogging, it is that I don’t have to apologize for my lack of posting. Besides, I am proud of myself because after months and months of little to no posting, I still managed to blog for four days in a row. Now with that said, I am also announcing that I am rededicating myself to NaBloPoMo in order to finish November strong and with the confidence I need to participate in Holidailies in December.

Directly before and for a week after my LASIK surgery, I was not allowed to wear make up.

Actually that’s not true: For two days before my surgery I could not wear liquid eyeliner or mascara. Some women need no mascara to make their eyelashes stand out, but for someone with blonde eyelashes, lack of mascara is like having no eyelashes at all. I knew there would be a period of no make up surrounding my surgery, but I was nevertheless mildly horrified when I found out I had to go without my mascara for two whole days beforehand.

It was one of my most repeated questions in the aftermath of post-op appointments: “When can I start wearing makeup again doctor?”

Overall, I am OK with wearing no make up. Unless I have somewhere to go I don’t wear it on the weekends and I don’t have a problem with people seeing me without it. In fact, I actually went through a period where I didn’t wear any make up at all. Therefore in some ways I found the absence of make up in the days following my surgery refreshing.

However, the thing that sent me running back to the mascara in the end was when a friend of mine said, “I wondered why you’d been looking so pale lately,” when I told her the doctor finally said I could wear make up again.

I am taking Early English Drama this semester and it’s finally time to start thinking about the research paper.

The prospectus is due on Monday, so today I started doing the research. I love to do research! (Hello, librarian anyone?) However, I was slightly disturbed to realize that I am actually more excited about gathering the materials and creating the bibliography than writing the actual research paper. Oh well…

I’ll admit this post isn’t long, but it’s late and I need to get to bed. I have to teach in the morning.

Tonight I celebrated the full moon. I started doing this with a group of ladies a few months ago and I am beginning to think it is having an impact on my life.

I have often questioned spirituality. I once thought I’d like to study Wicca, but when I sat down and approached it in my typically academic way I decided I wasn’t “spiritual” enough. This is not Wicca.

This is different. This takes me to a place where I find myself willing to share things that I normally wouldn’t. Most of the people don’t know me that well, but in a way I think that is what makes it so powerful. People who have known me all, or most, of my life see me in a certain way; but since these women don’t really know me that well, I can express myself in ways that I wouldn’t normally be comfortable with.

If it sounds vague, that is deliberately so.

I am very happy right now. A variety of things have happened in my life over the past few months that make me the most content I think I have ever been. And one of the things that I believe is helping me in this way are the hours that I spend thinking about the moon and everything it represents on this day.

*deep breath*

OK. Given my dismal blogging record lately, I seriously wondered about the wisdom of doing this, but after contemplating it for a few days I have decided to go ahead and do it anyway. That’s right: It’s NaBloMoPo and I will once again attempt to write every day in November… Wish me luck.

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I have joked for many years that I have a dream: My dream is that I want to be able to see clearly across the room when I wake up in the morning.

It seemed simple and I always got amused chuckles from people when I mentioned it, but in reality it wasn’t a joke.

I began wearing glasses at age 10 and probably needed them at least a year before that. It has been 25 years since I have known what it is like to see clearly from the time I wake up in the morning until the time I go to bed at night.

I hated my glasses from the first time I put them on my face. I “accidentally” broke at least 2 pair. As a result, I saved my babysitting money all summer when I was 14 so that I could buy my first pair of contact lenses. And, as much as I loved my contacts I cursed them every time the West Texas wind blew dust into them on warm summer nights.

Finally, I decided that I had had enough.

I made up my mind to make my dream come true by taking steps to reduce my dependence on corrective lenses. I scheduled LASIK eye surgery.

For over a week now I have had 20/20 vision, but I am still in constant amazement. Right before I open my eyes after I have been sleeping there is still a fleeting second when I am terrified that it will be too good to be true and when my eyes open, the world will still be blurry.

I am sure that I will take it for granted soon enough, but for now every time I open my eyes, the fact that I can see clearly without any assistance still takes my breath away.